As much as I hate to admit it, I enjoy discussing things and digging deep into a topic I am interested in.
I like to
pretend think I am a man of few words, but even though I tend toward introversion I like to talk about things with people. And these days I tend to talk about “God stuff” a lot.
I don’t know when exactly it happened, but I seem quite taken with this God…
This has meant that I like to read about “Him” and experience “Him” a lot as well … and that gets my mind going even more … and the cycle continues!
The more I learn and come to know “Him”, the more I want to know and the more questions I have, but I also start to form new thoughts about God, what “He” is like, and what “His” desire is for this creation of “His”.
And I like this God even more as a result.
And this is where the tension comes in …
I spend a lot of my time trying to know God better and like to talk to others about what I am in the process of learning …
But other people do not have the same questions as I do.
The same issues with the bible.
The same concerns about how the bible describes God in certain places.
The same conflicts between what I (think I) am reading and what I know to be “true”.
Other people may find the things I have found so incredibly meaningful to be not at all helpful in their walk toward Christlikeness.
And so there are times when conversations COULD turn to arguments. This is the opposite of what I want to happen, especially if the conversation is between two passionate people excited about who God is and what “He” is up to in the world.
And so there is a tension between when I should;
- openly express new ways I am getting to know God and what “He” is like and what I wholeheartedly believe God is up to in the world; and
- keep my mouth shut and simply allow people to continue to believe what they wholeheartedly believe without any potential outside information that could cause damaging results.
This is not as easy as it sounds.
Let me repeat, I in no way claim to know more about God than others, but I have come to know “Him” in a way that is deeply meaningful to me. And getting to know “Him” in this way has drastically changed my outlook on a number of things – things that others may disagree with me quite vehemently about.
Some of these things close to the core of my faith – but should I share them or keep them to myself?
Should I potentially (either knowingly or inadvertently) start arguments about things central to my faith, but seemingly opposite to what some others believe?
Should I leave things unsaid when I think they could be leading people to hold tightly to world-views that (I think) are potentially very dangerous for the church to hold?
Should I always be the “devil’s advocate” (irony there) or should I simply leave things alone?
When should I “evangelize” and when should I not?
I honestly don’t have an answer.
It’s part of the tension inside me and I don’t see an answer appearing any time soon. Some days I act like an owl and dispense with my “wisdom” (such that it is) and others I act like an ostrich and stick my head in the sand.
And all the while I long for a day when I realize fully that God is big enough to hold all these things both together and in tension while not being bothered by a stitch of it.
I wish I could do the same, but in the interim I’ll keep fumbling, blindly stumbling along, hoping that when I speak my “words” it will be in season and that other times I’ll keep my mouth shut.