Certainty

I miss certainty.
I miss having answers for everything; I hate having to say “I don’t know” so much
I miss knowing to the marrow in my bones that I was right and “they” were wrong
I miss the confidence that comes with being sure of how it all works and how it will continue to work

Beauty, wonder, mystery … they are beautiful and true,
But I miss being able to explain away the mystery
And suck the life out of beauty by explaining how it all works
I wonder if I’ll ever get certainty back

Or will I forever live in this state of needing faith to
Believe and trust that despite my unknowing, someone knows
Perhaps mystery and wonder is where we are dragged
(Kicking and screaming at times) so that we will learn to live with faith
Learn to trust that we don’t need all the answers,
Nor could we ever really understand them if they were given
To realize we haven’t been given a manual, a legal textbook,
A scientific theory, or a historical play-by-play

I love my mind and enjoy using it for things most people would gladly ignore
But it always brings me to questions without answers
And opinions that can never be verified by logic or reason
I want to continue to explore, but know wisdom is not always found with knowledge
I want to look at the mysterious reality around me, smile, relax
And know that just enjoying it for what it is

Is enough

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